The Betrothed Addict - Parsha Matos - By Rabbi YY Jacobson

Description

When addictions are powerful, and an abusive past is pulling you down, you need your Higher partner. "The Torah differentiates between two categories of husband: an arus, a betrothed husband, and a baal, a full husband. Under Torah law, marriage consists of two distinct stages. First is the betrothal (erusin), by which the bride becomes ""forbidden to the rest of the world."" From this point on, for another man to have relations with her is tantamount to adultery, and to dissolve the betrothal requires a get (writ of divorce), as for a full-fledged marriage. The betrothal, however, only establishes the prohibitive side of marriage (the exclusion of all other men from the relationship), but not the substance of the relationship itself—the two still cannot live together as man and wife. This is achieved through the second stage of marriage, the nissu'in, which renders man and wife ""one flesh.""" "In the 30th chapter of Numbers, the Torah discusses the laws of the annulment of vows. If a married woman makes a vow (“I promise I will not eat meat”), her husband has the authority to veto it, and declare his wife's vows null and void." " In Biblical and Talmudic times, the eirusin and the nissu'in were held on two separate occasions, so that for a certain period of time (usually a year) the bride and groom were bound by the prohibitions of marriage but had not yet begun their actual life together. In this period, the groom is called an arus, and only following the nissu'in, the second stage, he assumes the status of a baal." "Regarding the annulment of vows, the arus and the baal differ in two respects. The baal has the sole authority to annul his wife's vows, while the arus can do so only in conjunction with his bride's father. On the other hand, there is also an area in which the authority of the arus is greater than that of the baal: the baal can only annul vows made by his wife after their marriage (nissu'in), while the arus can revoke earlier vows, including those made by his bride prior to their betrothal." "The Talmud explains that these two laws are interdependent. Because the baal's ability to annul his wife's vows derives solely from the relationship between them, he has no authority over vows made before this relationship came into being. And because the arus’s authority is in partnership with the father, it extends as far back as that of the father." "Every law in Judaism, we know, has a psychological and emotional counterpart. This class explores the relevant personal ramifications of this law by examining two profiles of people: the human being who has made full peace with G-d, and the person who still struggles with G-d, and is never fully integrated with Him. At first glance it would seem the former is in a superior state, but in essence, it is the other way around." "This class gives unique comfort to those of us who never seem to “get there” and are always enmeshed in a struggle against our demons, addictions, and inner challenges."